I need to clarify a few things before I move on. When I put out the post about my experiences at school I stated that I wasn’t sure if any of the staff were involved. I have been informed that there was one person, who was connected with the school, that was accused of abuse. They were prosecuted, and it’s a matter of public record. So I want to apologise to the staff at Raddery for any misrepresentation of the situation I caused. I wasn’t accusing them.
I have struggled since unmasking because I realised the impact of being masked for 38 years. That the incorrect assumptions have caused a barrier that I don’t know how to overcome.
After leaving school I hopped from one job to another. Not because I wasn’t willing to work, but because I had a “clashing personality”. I became injured in work (many times in loads of different ways) had property damaged or stolen, and was usually singled out in the workplace. In the end it boiled down to difficulties communicating.
I know how to express myself now, but I don’t know how to financially support my family. It’s not that I don’t have skills I could use. The problem is that for almost 4 decades I was constantly misread. I don’t blame anyone for that, however it did create this barrier. I desperately want to help my wife, take some pressure off her. I priced up my figures and PlayStation, I would probably need to sell everything. Something that I have done many times before, but it’s uncomfortable. Even more so being housebound. I’ve spent far too long being in empty rooms. However, Jen (my wife) doesn’t want me to. She knows that I deeply dislike being housebound. That the PlayStation etc is grounding, and helps me when I’m feeling stir crazy.
My life completely revolved around work before the accident and it wasn’t enough. I felt like I gave everything I had, and fell short. My mum said to me today that I don’t have a time machine, so I should stop worrying about the past. However, it’s so hard to do when my past is precisely why I’m struggling so much in the present.
Image Description: A head created out of gears with a red background, on top of a pile of broken gears and mechanical parts.
All our best and love
Ross Fraser and Jeni Dern
mylifeautistic
Written by – Ross Fraser
My mind is screaming, the loud thoughts thumping at the inside of my skull. Without an answer, the question just gets louder, and more intense.